mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
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