i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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