Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
