OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
