I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Boobs are out for the taking
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Randomize
