We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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