I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
