I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I pour the whiskey from now on
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
