I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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