Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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