Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
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