I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
