So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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