instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
