So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
