There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
