someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
