Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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