Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Well I just put wine in my tea
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Randomize
