you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
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