i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
