Duck Duck Cougar?
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
