so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
