Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
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