I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
