Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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