I saw his package. It spoke to me.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
