They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
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