Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
