If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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