you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
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