Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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