One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
