And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Randomize
