Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
