just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
