Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Randomize
