Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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