i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
