I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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