when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Sober January is a disaster.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
