i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
And my parents said I crawled through the house
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
