she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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