Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
sick fucks of a feather flock together
She needs sedatives and a leash
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
