Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
