my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
