just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
