How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
