He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
