I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
