My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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