She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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