You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
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