You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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