is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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