Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
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