I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize
