Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
you had me at cake vodka
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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