we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
