i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
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