then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
