I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
