saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I have post one night stand depression
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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